Reviewing the Top 3 Summer Activities

Introduction

With the end of the year also comes the end of these articles…we know you’re upset about it, but all good things have to come to an end. On the plus side, summer is coming, which also makes us wonder what to do. So we decided to take that load off you guys, since we are generous people, and review the top 3 things to do over the summer, changing it up a bit from our usual food/drink reviews. Don’t worry, though, we’ll still be honest about it and keep it real for our last Real Review. 

Rave

To begin, we’re going to start off with our 3rd placer. We wanted to save the best for last in this case…give you guys something to look forward to. In third place, our least exciting adventure, hosting a rave. We did this last summer just after Lollapalooza because we wanted to relive the adrenaline that Future and Metro gave us…even though Iris almost died. 

I, Iris, personally believed this event was a 6/10. Nothing too exciting. If I’m honest, it was mostly planning. We had to rent out a huge mansion in The Hamptons, which was a pricey penny, and then there was the plane ride. But back then we had a little more money to spend…clearly. Luckily, my work at the gym has been paying off so we didn’t need any bodyguards. If anyone needs a personal trainer, I work for $25 an hour and will get you results within the first month; just join my 30 day program! The flashing lights burned my eyes a little; I think I was actually slightly blinded for a week because I just kept seeing stars, which might have also been the polluted air around us. I DJ’ed most of the time, and I may have found a passion which goes along great with my rap career (shameless plug for my SoundCloud). 

I, Emilia, rated this activity a 7/10. The turnout was amazing and I had so much fun. We even had John Summit at the DJ booth for a bit… that is until Iris shoved him out of the way and took over, and I will say, she gave him a run for his money. My highlight of the night had to be crowd surfing over the mosh pit – I think I might’ve even seen Mr. Beast. Hosting and planning did take up quite some time and money, but it wasn’t something we couldn’t handle. You might be wondering how we afforded all of this considering the amount of times we’ve complained about prices in our previous articles. Surprise! We actually used to be millionaires…oh, how I miss it. Unfortunately, all we can do now is reminisce about the past, back when Iris’s SoundCloud career was skyrocketing and neither of us had a worry in the world.

Skydiving

Next up, in second place, is skydiving, which was a thrilling and fun experience. It did take a bit of convincing on both ends because jumping out of a plane isn’t something either of us would do willingly, but we had to go to lengths for you guys. It is our last article after all, and we’re not leaving you guys disappointed. We, once again, used the private jet and flew to our ex-private island, which we had to sell…unfortunately.

I, Emilia, rated this activity an 8.5/10. I will admit, I was a little nervous to go at first. As I stood there trying to get myself to jump, Iris pushed me out of the plane. I’m kind of glad she did, though, because otherwise I might have just chickened out. The view was absolutely worth it; it was perfect. If only that island was still ours. As we were getting closer to the bottom, the instructor tried to release the parachute, but it didn’t work at first. At this point, I was freaking out and I thought these were my last moments. My life was flashing before my eyes, but, finally, the parachute opened and we landed safely. So, despite it being a near-death experience, it was pretty cool.

I, Iris, thought this earned an 8/10. Honestly, you’d expect jumping out of a plane to be less nerve wracking. I mean I jump off trampolines all the time so I didn’t think there’d be much of a difference, but I was very wrong. First off, I didn’t bounce back and my parachute got stuck. My life actually flashed before my eyes, and tell me why all I saw was shopping sprees? It’s no surprise but we had to sell our shared Bugatti Centodieci. (In case anyone was wondering, it’s placed at around $9 million, not to brag, just to inform.) And I do want to keep this article fun and light but, honestly, seeing our ex island made me a little emotional. No one should go through something like that; it’s cruel, just cruel, and we would’ve kept it but the IRS started coming after us. We told them we got all our money because we are entrepreneurs. I don’t know if it was jealousy or spite, but I’m really starting to get sick of them. Okay, I’m about to cry, so onto the next topic…I can’t talk about this one anymore.

Shark Cage Diving

Our top placer was shark cage diving. We know it’s not as extreme as we made it out to seem in the beginning, but this summer we’ll go a little more crazy. Neither of us are very good swimmers, so this was an experience for sure. But at least it was free since Iris knew a guy and Emilia took us on her private jet from last summer…ahh, back when we had money…those were the days. Now we sit in a classroom complaining about $3 drinks. 

I, Iris, thought this activity was a 9.5/10. I know you thought our top placer would get a 10/10 from me, but I don’t think I’ve ever given one out, and I can’t lose the streak now. We also can’t give away too much, but this year we’ll be doing some 10/10 activities, especially since my rap career will really take off. I’ve already started working with your favorite rappers and might even come back next year to share our experiences since some of these really are unbelievable. Back to shark cage diving…which you’d think would be terrifying but, honestly, it wasn’t too bad. Emilia, on the other hand, was terrified. I was like her knight in shining armor, except in a little bikini. The shark did try to eat me a few times, but I don’t blame him since I do meet my protein goals and my macros are just to die for – wait – is that ironic? We did go a few more times, especially after our APUSH Exam. We took my jet this time since Hollister started giving me a few more shifts, so I decided to splurge. 

I, Emilia, rated this activity a 10/10. I don’t know why Iris is dragging my name through the dirt when she’s the one that made everyone wait half an hour before getting in because she had to “mentally prepare”. I, personally, had a lot of fun and even built a little connection with the sharks. I felt like I was reconnecting with nature, which was needed after our previous activities. The sharks were honestly much more friendly than I initially expected, but I guess that didn’t matter to Iris because throughout the entire experience she’d swim to whichever side of the cage had no sharks. Nothing screams “knight in shining armor” more!

Conclusion

All in all, we would definitely recommend shark cage diving, which gained the highest score from us. (This makes sense since we did create the list ourselves.) We hope this article helped you find something exciting to do this summer, instead of just sitting around and playing video games like boring berries. If you guys are unsure or scared of any of the above, just know we’ll help you. Whether it’s throwing a rave, skydiving, rock climbing, becoming a barber…we’ve done it all. Now, it’s time to be honest with you guys…this article was satire. We know, it feels like a betrayal. You’re at a loss for words, and that’s okay because we can’t hear you through a screen anyway! Some might say we lied, but we call it storytelling… or at least that’s what Iris’s last boyfriend called it. If we’re going to be honest, we will miss you all so much, and we’re sure you’ll miss us, too! Maybe we’ll pop back next year with another article but probably not…it’s okay, though. Stay tuned to see us on EPTV! We hope you guys enjoyed our articles, and thank you so much for swinging by to read the last Real Review. Have a great summer, Tigers!