It’s (almost) everybody’s favorite time of the year, but also possibly the worst time of year for all the single readers who have been through a breakup. If you’re still sad about not receiving or giving gifts from/to your special someone, then this is the perfect list of what YOU could get your ex for Christmas!

#1: A Therapist

At our number 1, my personal favorite, a therapist! There’s nothing wrong with getting a little extra help from somebody with experience and education.

A therapist is someone who you can trust and talk to, and could honestly improve your skills in showing love and affection!

This is an extremely essential gift, as once your ex sees how amazing you’re doing/looking, they’re definitely going to need to talk to someone.

When having a therapist, your ex won’t have to sugarcoat what happened in the relationship. When your ex may make themselves the victim in every situation when repeating the story to their friends, they could instead get a good cry out.

Lastly, a therapist can point out their flaws and troubles, which they were unable to admit when dating you.

#2: Cologne/Perfume

At number 2, we have cologne/perfume (depending on what is preferred). Especially in school environments like EPHS, students can sometimes forget to remember personal hygiene.

While adding additional fragrance is NOT the solution, it can help. We’re not pointing any fingers, but for your ex, it might be the perfect gift. It’s perfectly reasonable to forget every now and then.

Axe or Old Spice is recommended, giving a nice natural and refreshing scent that your ex will love. Pricier brands are better quality, but Axe and Old Spice work well enough. With this gift, your ex will be smelling great! They’ll definitely be thinking of you on a daily basis.

#3: Their Clothes

Lastly, at number 3, you can always return the clothes that were given to you pre-breakup (if you never got the chance to already).

You could always add some bedazzle to their old clothing. Glitter, paint, or even some bleach would look great on their old hoodie (providing a nice tie-dye effect). Especially with hoodies, luckily, there are many ways to newly restyle them.

My biggest advice is to go all out by completely redesigning their old clothes, adding something big and bold because, of course, you should always leave an impression.

Take all that time and money you’ve spent when you were together and apply it to their wardrobe, leaving them with something they won’t forget!

Conclusion

Do not get your ex anything for Christmas! Keep your money or spend it on yourself instead! It’s important and essential to focus on yourself and grow as a person, especially after going through a breakup.

This list is entirely satire. Join me, and be sure to spread some humor around this time of year while you continue to heal and love yourself. Remember – your ex is an ex for a reason.

Works Cited

• EPHS Gift Survey, Accessed: 21 December, 2023.